What Do You Really Want?

Have you ever just stopped and asked yourself, “what do I really want?” Our days are full of wants. We want this or that for breakfast, want to catch the bus, want to buy new shoes, want to watch the TV and so on. All proof of normality! Still, there are bigger wants that we harbour in our minds, how we want our lives to be, how we want to relate to those nearest and dearest, what we want for our children.  According to Choice Theory psychology it is our wants that drive our behaviour, all in an attempt to meet our basic needs.

Let’s face it, It can be scary to stop and reflect on these big wants but Choice Theory would suggest that we link such thoughts to action plans. I want to get on better with my son ….. SO … what could I do to improve things? I want to enjoy my work more … SO … when, where and how will I start? We don’t need to think of massive plans but something that starts us in the right direction, ideally something that we really can do with at least a 90% chance of success.

Glasser, who created Choice Theory, explains our wants as our inner “Quality World”, all the people, things, places, values we want in our lives, everything that we are striving to make happen. According to him, we assemble these pictures as a way to meet our basic needs and our everyday behaviour is always working towards making these pictures reality. That makes our wants a very important part of our everyday psychological functioning so maybe it is worthwhile pausing to clarify what they are.

  • What are some of my really important wants?
  • Which of these do I wish to process now, to clarify and evaluate?
  • What can I do to help make this want happen?
  • Is my plan simple and with a good chance of success?
  • Am I really going to do it and, if so, how – when – where ?

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